The Anatomy of an Edited Song

The task:

 to edit a song I've already written this year for the RealWomenRealSongs project (RWRS).  That seemed easy.  Rather than write a whole new song to a whole new prompt this week, go back and fix one up: tweak week.

The problem:

it's a total nightmare.  The great thing about RWRS is that it has forced me to be okay with sending half-baked songs out into the world.  I only had a week to write it!  I also have a life!  These songs are not all big winners, but they are part of the process! It's an exercise in letting go!  I've gotten really good at saying those things to myself.  I've been riding on potential and have been totally satisfied with what could be; happy with my diamonds in the rough.  Now I've got to actually go back and see if any of these songs are worth saving (what if they are not?) and then do the work to make it live up to it's potential (what if I cannot?).  Ugh.  

The plan:

to get super meta and document the editing process.  I hope it is interesting.  I know I just set up as very "poor me" but the truth is I love this, deep (DEEP) down.  I want to be an excellent writer.  I want to improve and improve and improve and this is the way to do it.  I hope that my fellow writers will relate and share with me how their process differs and chime in in the comments and that non-writes might enjoy a window into someone else's mind (and mine is all I've got--sorry).  

That is my hope, but the truth is: even if no one else finds this interesting, it is providing me the motivation to get it done and think it through thoroughly.  It was due on Tuesday and I haven't skipped a week yet.  Time is running out before song #40 is due.  This is helping me get it done.

The first version of the song:

Version 2:

A note about the music:

There is one note in there somewhere about how the "it makes feel crazy" part has the same melody as the chorus, so I worked to change that.  I also thought that the verses and the chorus stick in the same range of notes without a lot of contrast.  So, I dropped the verses a third (I think) and chanbged the melody so that builds on "it makes me feel.." and  soars (that might be pushing it) on the chorus.  Mary Gauthier spoke this summer about how having long vowels in the chorus makes listeners want to sing along--I keep thinking about that.  I also feel good about the long notes in the chorus in contrasts to the more stuccato words in the verses.  I tightened up the arrangement so that between the end of the verse ("it makes me feel crazy....I remember everything you said") and the start of the chorus ("I could cry an ocean...") I don't play through the chord progression.  It's a long song and I need to find a way around of playing an empty progression every time--generally, it's nice to have some breathing room, but not when my song is over five minutes.

It took me forever to record 1) the phone kept ringing 2) because I changed the tuning,  I occastionally got stumped on the guitar 3) I kept reverting to the old melody on "it makes me feel crazy"--you'll hear that I still do NOT nail it on the final video.

The "final" version:

I think it's much better, but it could probably use more work.   I'd still like it to be shorter--I should probably cut the last "it makes me feel crazy" even though I like it.  Editing is hard.  I'm pleased for now.

Chorus
I could cry an ocean, baby, I could cry the sea
but that would never change what you don't feel for me
I could call your number, baby, I could beg and please
but that would never change what you don't feel for me

Verse 1
I could play remember when all night long
Remember when we sat under the stars and you played me that song
I could talk who said what when 'til the sun comes up
we sat on the pier; you whispered in my ear; now you just shrug it off
It makes me feel crazy when you say it's all in my head
I remember everything you said

 Verse 2
I could play the "feel guilty" card 'til my wrists bleed
expose my grief, blackmail you 'til you leave her and force you back to me
It makes me feel crazy when you say it wasn't that big a deal
all I have is how I feel

Chorus

Tag? Verse 3B?
It makes me feel crazy when  you say that's not the way things were
because now you're with her

Tag/outro